"Clear the road" - Are you kidding me

This one goes out to all those weekend road race warriors who think that because they put on a neon splattered, logo obnoxious, spandex stretching tube sock of an outfit, they instantly transform into some Lance Armstrong-like pedal pushing persona.

I hate to be the one to let the air out of your tires, but you are not some Peter Parker of the pedaling world. You are a key clicking bureaucrat by day, bread winner by night, and probably a dreamer too. I mean who doesn't dream of racing out of this town every so often?

No, you are not sponsored by GEICO, or the US Postal System, or even State Farm. I mean if you pay as much as you do for a tube sock of an outfit that only accentuates your flaws, you might as well try and pick a slightly cooler brand to practically tattoo on your body.

So to the gentleman in the State Farm spandex who has the audacity to yell "Clear the road" while I was running on the path in Rock Creek, I say this.

Remember that even the fastest of Roman chariots were disabled with a quick spear in the wheel trick. Last I checked your silly road bike still belongs on the road! Hence the name. You are also supposed to obey the laws of the road since DC considers you a vehicle.

So next time you come up behind me and tell me to clear the road I'm going to grab a stick and test out your spokes. Ever wanted to take flying lessons? I can arrange that. Just try me. And when I see you wipe out when your trying to avoid hitting me or the fellow runners on the path, I'm going to laugh and sing very loudly..."like a good neighbor State Farm is there." Where is your fairy godfather insurance agent when you've done a face plant into a tree? How you like dem apples?!

My next blog is going be be entirely dedicated to one of your favorite functional accessories. Those darn clippy shoes. I have come to despise them so they get a standalone entry. Till next time, live strong or whatever that Lance Armstrong band on your wrist says. And no that doesn't make you any more of a biker so lose the trend.

- Posted from an iPhone