"Clear the road" - Are you kidding me

This one goes out to all those weekend road race warriors who think that because they put on a neon splattered, logo obnoxious, spandex stretching tube sock of an outfit, they instantly transform into some Lance Armstrong-like pedal pushing persona.

I hate to be the one to let the air out of your tires, but you are not some Peter Parker of the pedaling world. You are a key clicking bureaucrat by day, bread winner by night, and probably a dreamer too. I mean who doesn't dream of racing out of this town every so often?

No, you are not sponsored by GEICO, or the US Postal System, or even State Farm. I mean if you pay as much as you do for a tube sock of an outfit that only accentuates your flaws, you might as well try and pick a slightly cooler brand to practically tattoo on your body.

So to the gentleman in the State Farm spandex who has the audacity to yell "Clear the road" while I was running on the path in Rock Creek, I say this.

Remember that even the fastest of Roman chariots were disabled with a quick spear in the wheel trick. Last I checked your silly road bike still belongs on the road! Hence the name. You are also supposed to obey the laws of the road since DC considers you a vehicle.

So next time you come up behind me and tell me to clear the road I'm going to grab a stick and test out your spokes. Ever wanted to take flying lessons? I can arrange that. Just try me. And when I see you wipe out when your trying to avoid hitting me or the fellow runners on the path, I'm going to laugh and sing very loudly..."like a good neighbor State Farm is there." Where is your fairy godfather insurance agent when you've done a face plant into a tree? How you like dem apples?!

My next blog is going be be entirely dedicated to one of your favorite functional accessories. Those darn clippy shoes. I have come to despise them so they get a standalone entry. Till next time, live strong or whatever that Lance Armstrong band on your wrist says. And no that doesn't make you any more of a biker so lose the trend.

- Posted from an iPhone

"The thing about DC is..."

These are five words I hate hearing yelled in a crowded bar in DC's wannabe hipster scene. I think there is no faster way to show your ignorance and laziness of all things cultural in the Capital.

Just because you moved here straight out of college and you've barely been here a year, this does not an expert make.

So, to all you little yuppies in the making, spare us your shallow assessments of DC and next time you are talking to that newly minted DC resident, tell them to ask those "Why" questions to someone whose been here at least 5 years.


- Posted from an iPhone

97 Degrees Today!

Seriously! I may find a way to stay inside all day. I'm even going to skip coffee.


- Posted from an iPhone

Is it too much to ask...

To get to the movie on time? Seriously DC! What are you too good for previews?

No, that's seat is not taken so just sit down and let us watch the movie! Oh, and while you're at it try deflating your self importance a bit and return to a standard societal norm - getting to the movie on time!


- Posted from an iPhone

98 Degrees on Eve of June

What is it about Washington that makes the late afternoons so much more unbearable than the midday heat?

The other day I went to a Nats game with friends. Game started at 1:05PM. Don't get me wrong, it was hot sitting in those sun-crisped stadium seats. In fact that Washington patriotic blue color acts like a magnet to heat from the sun rays. I nearly fried my thighs twice when sitting down.

So yeah, I baked for about 7 innings, then got tired of listening to crude Phillies fans. Decided, rather foolishly, to walk home. By the time I reached USDA I caved and grabbed a Bike at the Capital Bikeshare station. What a great edition to the city. I whisked home - a little warm, but for the better.

Still it felt like Hades was breathing on me when I stepped outside again at 5pm.

Welcome simmer, welcome summer.


- Posted from an iPhone